Last change 2017.08.06 19:52:18 / Time 2024.04.21 23:26:05

Phuket HHH Run #998 - Scribe Report

The hares were called in but had apparently disappeared.  NaHeMan was iced whilst waiting for the hares.  They still had not appeared so the GM went on to run offences.

Run Offences.
Flubber reported Wilma and alleged that Wilma had not called loud enough and furthermore had been shortcutting.  This report was received with loud calls of “bullshit” as everyone knows that Wilma was the winner and Flubber only a poor third – a loser and a bad loser at that.
Non Entity reported Georgeous for giving wrong directions.
Flubber reported the French.  This report was essentially the loser trying to blame someone for his piss poor performance.  He chose all the French, and gave a weak and pathetic report which no-one believed.  Flubber again called in the winner Wilma and gave him 3 beers.  He went on a rambling and totally unbelievable bullshit excursion as to why he let Wilma win, and was now seeking to get him drunk.  Flubber the flabby loser was at it again.
Blast Off, Sick Fucker and Secret Agent Dick Gobbler were reported for something about a mountain bike and a hill.  A distinctly dodgy run offence.

GM returns
He immediately put flabby Flubber on the ice and educated him.  This was for the supreme run offender who is always accusing others.
The GM then proceeded to name the bus driver ‘LONG WAY’
The hares finally put in an appearance and were brought in for a good many down downs.
  1. For the run
  2. For lying to the circle saying that the run was flat, it was not.  Also for saying it would be a 47 minute run it was not.
  3. For laying a run through a hornets nest where Non Entity and Spanner were stung.
Dubai was called into the circle to apply some cream to Spanners leg.  A duty he clearly relished as his hands were shaking and for once he had stopped talking.  Members noticed a significant bulge in his trousers as all this was taking place, and he assured us that it was either his phone or his wallet sticking out.
Visitors were welcomed.  Then the Phuket PH3 returners were welcomed and one insignificant returner was iced and educated.
Cleauseau was iced and given 3 beers just for being here.
There were 2 virgins, Carol and Giles.  He being absent she drank for them both.
Sick Fucker and Sick Fucker Wart Hog were called in and Sick Fucker was iced for looking like his father and denying it.
Saggy Balls and other Liverpoodles were called in and congratulated in their teams win in the EU cup.
The Saggy one was called in again where it was pointed out that he has grown a mustache so as to look like his mother.
The Saggy one again.  He has done 998 runs.
The Saggy one again.  It was reported that there is a movement in the hash to call him Soggy Balls rather than Saggy balls.  He was renamed ‘SOGGY BALLS’
The GM then called in the Irish and told a joke but I didn’t hear it as Soggy Balls was talking too much behind me.  The Americans were called in for spreading evil throughout the world.  This unremarkable fact boiled down to ATMs for some reason.  Then there was a call for Cambodians and the Flabby one was a stand-in.  Apparently one lion fought and killed 42 Cambodian midgets, but the Flabby one escaped.

1st Steward - Mercury
The GM was called in and given a beer for the short notice of  Mercury being a steward.
Soggy Balls was rewarded for having converted to being a front runner after being a prominent lager lout.
The Hares were called and were again absent so Flubber was the stand-in.  He read out the poor run directions, and in mid flow was interrupted by The Secret Agent DG who proceded to take over the spot.  This bad behavior by Dick Gobbler was punished by ice and an educator.
No Cup was called in for setting fire to the lager site.

GM returns
Giles the virgin was iced for being absent earlier when called.
The GM then did a spot of admin for the 2000th run before calling in Born Loser and Sick Fucker and giving them a chance to remember a dead friend.
The GM allowed NaHeMan to come in and gob off for a while but warned him to be brief or he would suffer.  NHM called in King Klong and gave him beer for blowing his nose all over NHM as he ran past.  (nice one Klong)!!  Then NHM called in Wilma and Flubber and told us what we all knew – Wilma is a good guy and a winner, and the Flabby one is full of shit.  NHM then called in the GM and proceded to arsehole lick by giving him a special rugby 10s shirt.  The GM was lesss than impressed and because of the length of time wasted by NHM he was binned and educated.

He called in Chicken George and mamma Chicken for not calling on the run.
He called in a lovely lady called Nok and punished her for running past him.
Lewey the Lip was congratulated on his 75th birthday.
Fuck Off and Giles were called in for their weird haircuts.

GM returns
The Reverend Finger Licker was called in and we heard how he set fire to one of his kayaks.  The GM clearly realizing that we were all pissed and would laugh at anything ended with the one liner,”you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.” 

Steward King Klong
Soggy Balls was called in and Klong showed the circle a picture of a Liverpool fan trying to steal the cup.
Swollen Colon was sin binned and abused with iced water  by Flubber, the reason was lost as Soggy Balls kept up a continuous barrage of verbal shite just behind me.
NaHeMan was punished after a lengthy and incomprehensible ramble by Klong.
Lewey the Lip was punished for being a dirty bastard and having multiple medical conditions.
King Klong then went on to tell a few jokes and got a lot of beer down a lot of throats, but by this time it was too dark to write.  It was a good spot.

Thrush Discharge