Last change 2017.08.06 21:51:31 / Time 2017.10.21 21:37:39
Phuket HHH Run #999 #1000 - Scribe Report
Months and months in anticipation, a few days of planning by a handful
of dedicated Phuket Hashers, an unrivaled PR campaign by the GM who
personally visited Hashes throughout SE Asia to promote the event, a
1000 Run t-shirt managed by Scud, entertainment by Big Bollox—including
a replay of the wildly successful ‘Dueling Wankers’ skit from the
brilliant 500 Run stage production—loads and loads of visitors from all
over the place…we had our 1000 Run event at long last! Hashers
came from all over the place to attend; Sir Wanda from London,
Frankfurter from the wilds of New York, Speedlight and Suzy Klong and
Bob from their perilous life in Malibu, and many others.
Never mind we had the date wrong on the original schedule.
Hashers can’t be expected to keep track of things that happened
yesterday, much less things that have not yet occurred. But some
magical math was performed and the GM came up with a program that
started with a Bike Hash on Monday, the Kamala Koma on Tuesday, Tinman
on Wednesday, Iron Pussy on the same day, the 999 on Friday, the 1000
on Saturday including the Ballbuster Cross Island Run, 3 ½ hours
of good fun with Little Pygmy coming in ahead of all the other brave
souls, the 1001 on Sunday and a special Monday run and barbeque at the
ideal laager location of Big A Resort. And the following Thursday
was a Maraud Run for qualified pre-approved applicants only. Your
scribe got worn out doing half the runs. Praise be to those who
did most or all of the runs. All power to Swollen Colon for
presiding over all but the specialized runs and for keeping the good
times rolling on! All glory to Nature, that awesome power that
sent the rain to keep us cool in the 1000 Run circle and that sent
vicious gusts of driving rain down on the Marauders (who were
struggling in the hills with Rosie’s brand of laying new wet paper
nearby old wet paper), to wash away their sinful desires.
The 1001 Run was at Crystal Beach, last visited by Hash on Jan1, six
days after Patong Beach Road was buried under a jumble of the usual
local artifacts (pickups, motorcycles, jetskis, longtails, garbage, tuk
tuks and beach chairs etc.). Happy to say that the revived
Crystal Beach has a new restaurant and beside it, nice easy access down
to the rest of the beach. The circle started on time and just went on
and on. Indeed, the circle was entertained by a local marching
band that performed traditional Thai folk music. Many people
joined in with their own brave attempts at the fluid hand and body
dance movments of the pooying.
The special Big A barbeque run featured, in addition to the swimming
pool and bungalow comfort of the place, the sight of an exhausted
Flubber carrying the Horn and coming in long after everyone else had
returned. He offered up some excuse for his failure but was
hooted down by the collective shouts of “Looooserrr!” GM Swollen
Colon made do with a succession of short notice stewards, all helping
make the day a good one. With the exception of BC, who flipped
back to his ‘my body is my temple, I will not defile it’ mode and left
before he could be called in the circle.
With such a colorful mass of visiting Hashers involved with the 999 and
the 1000, it was a big challenge to take notes about all that happened
in these runs and circles. However your scribe had the occasional
lucid moment, took a few scribbled notes here and there, and will give
a few random impressions of things that may have occurred in these (or
perhaps past or imagined future) circles.
999: There was a run and there was a walk. The walk was
billed by Hare Dambuster as a short 40 minute stroll. 40 minutes
didn’t even get us half way, but never mind. The hares provided a
fine laager next to Bang Wat Dam. Actually, it was just the other
side of the dam from the site of the 500 Run and stage production (you
want to see Hash entertainment at its best? Find someone with the
500 run video or CD made from it. Hey, we’re all 500 Saturdays
older now; we can’t be expected to put on quite the same thing
again. Be happy Big Bollox organized all that he did, and a big
thanks to him!)
Some of the visiting Hashers promoted future Hash events including a
big run in Lao, the Interhash in Chiang Mai and a major milestone event
for the Chiang Rai Hash. Check with them for dates and details.
There wasn’t a 999 run t-shirt. People who jumped the gun and
wore their 1000 run shirts at the 999 circle were put into the
sinbins. In fact, many people were put into the bins. The
GM started the circle by reminding everyone about the ‘buffalo theory
of drinking’. Just like the old, ill and useless buffalo fall
behind the herd and are taken out by the predators, alcohol kills the
old and weak brain cells, leaving only the quick, efficient ones for
our activities the next day. This is the theory. Flubber
was put into the bin and educated as the GM introduced us to this
theory. It was difficult or impossible to have quiet in a circle
so huge so the GM deputized certain people as ‘gobby police’ and gave
them the power to pull in miscreants and give them plungers of
refreshing Chang beer. GM called as his whipping boy Drover’s
Dog. Drover’s Dog has been to Hash exactly three times, and has
been the whipping boy each and every one of those runs. It’s a
true Hash welcome to a man who is not even technically a member as
yet. There were virgins, of course, and they were put on their
knees to drink beers at this special Hash event. Fuck Off came to
us from the Nigerian Hash. They have a unique way of laying
runs. When you come to a dead body that means it’s a check; go
back and see if you can find paper again.
Then came the collective punishments. Bring in all the Aussies,
the English, The Tasmanians, the Indians, Pattaya Hashers, the
Malays…on and on it went. Wilma took his baby into the bin with
him. NonEntity was binned and made to watch Spanner as she
entertained with her awesome sexy moves. Princess Labia from
Brazil pulled her pants down before going into the bin. Sick
Fucker flung the plucked chicken into the circle at regular
intervals. NaHeeMan showed his ass and dropped into the bin
without even being told.
Vertical Limit was a steward and put many into the sinbins.
Goatfucker was binned and given three beers but threw one of them at
the steward. No Hope, new partner with Scud in the Hash
institution Fawlty Towers, was introduced. VertLim was thanked
and put into the bin by the GM. Next steward was Duke of Puke who
began by binning the birthday boy Sir Wanda. VertLim and Flubber
were binned for doing bad things to Wanda’s head, and 4x2 was binned
for hanging out with Bog. A sack-and-shoving race injured a few
Hashers, then came Porky’s fun game of spin around and around the
stick. Louis the Lip was called in to do a spot, Flubber was iced
and at some point the circle ended.
1000 Run Scribe Report
A logistical wonder! At least 27 buses brought Hashers from many
embarkation points to the starting points for the various runs, walks
and ballbusters. Pygmy flopped into the sinbin, punished for
setting up the beer truck next to the Nai Ton school when it was
supposed to be on the beach. Little Pygmy was first in from the
Cross Island event, followed by Barf Wader, Pawnshop, TopOff, Suzy
Klong, Root, Cobblers, Harry Hoodini and others. Duke wore a
police helmet and gave squirts of liquor to the talkative cunts in the
circle. Rainman was blamed for the rain, and Flubber was blamed
for arranging bags of ice cubes instead of blocks of the stuff.
He was put into the BIG orange bin for his error. Big Fellow did
the Cross Island but his wife did it too and came in before him.
Bimbo was lost somewhere. A reluctant virgin was called in; she
didn’t drink her beer yesterday when they were all put on their
knees. The GM wanted to bin her but she said she’d ‘stain the
water’ so she was allowed to go free.
The circle went on but so did the rain, so not much more detail can be
given. We went back to Kamala for a big feed and the evening’s
entertainment with MC Big Bollox.
The circle on Sunday at Crystal Beach, the site of the 1001, featured
many stewards and continued on as people wandered off to have dinner
and came back for more punishment. The run took the pack up a
hill, then on a series of unconnected falsies until everyone went back
down the hill to drink beer.
Monday’s run was hot and the event at Big A was good fun. Those
who stayed around till Thursday joined the Maraud and wandered around
in the hills, trying to sort out paper from about six previous
runs. Pickup trucks and ATVs were sent to fetch stragglers, then
it was on to the venue for fun and games, GM Brunswick presiding.
At the end of the evening it was announced that this was actually an
AGPU and the new GM stepped forward. Welcome to the new job,
And so a fine Hash celebration came to an end. Probably most
people will recover, given time. The memories, or lack of them,
will live on.